Save and Reboot.

There's something brewing inside of me. Something that I don't understand.

Is it cynicism? A closed mind? Stereotypes? An only ONE solution?
Or is it more insecurities? Is my ego like the hydra in Hercules? Every time I take care of one head, three more shoot up, snarling and gnashing their teeth.

Or is it Josie?

This is, after all, the first time in my married life that I created a new character. And back in the day, my characters did consume me.
But also back in the day, I stared at the blank wall for hours, skipped class and church to take long walks (especially when it rained) and rode the bus without a destination. I had time to embrace those characters. Or at least I pretended that I did. They were my friends, lovers and enemies. I may have created them, but it felt like they had lived all along. I just gave them a voice.

Much like Josie.

But I'm more discipline now. Daydreams are minimal. Focus is always a welcomed guest. And above all else, positivity is a must! And lets' face it Jose, you ain't too positive these days. I'm not saying you don't have good excuses. I'm just saying...

I don't want to be self destructive anymore. But you are. I know you're not trying to be. But you are. Some of the time!
How can we make this work?

Do hydra's even gnash? Or is it more of a... roar? Big bite? Gnash reminds me of Steven the Martyr. I look forward to meeting him.

It could be something else. Maybe I'm just plain frustrated. It had been an off day.

I promise I'm not schizo.
I'm just... taking deep breaths.